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It’s finally summer—the time for patio dining, beach days, and hanging out with friends!
At Seven Circles, we mostly talk about romantic relationships, but your platonic relationships are just as important! This month, we’re reflecting on how you can be there for your friends.
It can really hard as an adult to maintain friendships. Playdates are a thing of the past, we don’t see people in class every day, and life is just really busy. But just because life is busy doesn’t mean your friendships stop being valuable. We might notice something going on with our friend, and no matter how long it’s been since we’ve spent real time with them, we want to be a support.
If you find yourself asking these questions, we’re here to help.
How can I support my friend who I’m worried is in an unhealthy relationship?
- Offer leading questions/statements that could help them open up. Phrases like…
- “I’m always here for you, for whatever you need”
- “I noticed that your partner did (insert behavior). How’d that make you feel?”
- “I love hanging out with you and I’m really glad we have this time now”
- Frequent communication, even just a text to say you were thinking of them, reminds a friend who is possibly being isolated by their partner that they are not alone.
- Share resources that you think might help them verbalize what is happening to them. Books, music, TV shows can all be great ways to start the conversation.
Most importantly—please do not tell them what to do. Avoid labeling their relationship or their partner as unhealthy or abusive, questioning their judgement for being with this person, or forcing them to discuss the situation with you. This behavior, although coming from a loving place, actually mimics the behavior of their partner; it will only isolate them further and they won’t see you as a pillar of their support system anymore.
How can I support my friend who I’m worried about their mental health?
- Tell them often how much they mean to you. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture—just letting someone know that you’re glad they exist can go a long way.
- Make plans—or at least try. Sometimes, when someone is struggling with their mental health, they might be hard to pin down plans with. But if you don’t continue to try to hang with them, you’re just proving to them that they’re alone. They’re not! They have you. Keep it up, even though it can be frustrating.
Remember: you are not a therapist. You are responsible for your mental health and yours alone. Lean on your own support system as you work through being someone else’s.
How can I support my friend who has told me that their partner is abusive?
This can be a really scary conversation that you want to handle gently. First, it’s good to recognize that it is huge that this person is disclosing to you. You might be the first person they’re talking to about this. Here are some helpful phrases when someone discloses abuse to you:
- “I believe you”
- “I’m so sorry this is happening. This is not your fault”
- “Thank you for telling me”
- “I’m here for you. What can I do? What do you need?”
Know that you can call SHALVA if you are looking for some guidance before or after a conversation with a friend. You can also check out our online, anonymous tool, Show You CARE for some tips on these conversations.
No matter what you or your friends are going through, remember that you’re there for each other. What do you love about your friends? Why are they important to you? Remind yourself of these things when you’re reaching out, and know that you are never alone.
Author: Maris Rosenfeld, Community Outreach and Education Coordinator. She has had the same 3 friends since kindergarten and loves that no matter where they are in the world, they always have each other.
