Defining Comfort in Your Relationship

Do you fart in front of your partner?  

It’s a silly question, sure. But it’s also an important one. For me, if I can’t be my grossest, most human self around my partner, then it won’t work. Someone else might feel completely okay never releasing gas (or displaying any other bodily function) in front of their partner. And that’s okay too!  

What matters is that you feel like your truest version of yourself around your partner. There’s no hiding, there’s no changing something about yourself to suit what your partner wants. It’s about comfort and safety. While that might look different for everyone (i.e. farting – some people think it’s gross!), the feeling is the same. Do you feel safe around your partner to be your true self, and are they simultaneously respecting what your boundaries are?  

Try and identify what feels safe and comfortable for you:

• Something as simple as clothing: does looser clothing feel better than something more fitted?  

• Body: Do you use the bathroom with the door open? Do you walk around naked? Is privacy always necessary for you?  

• Social: Do you like to be in big groups, all the time? Or have one-on-one quality time? Do you need to recharge after being with people, or can you hang out for hours and days on end?  

• Expression: Do you feel good about expressing your thoughts, feelings, and opinions? Can you say what you feel to a specific person, or hear what someone else feels?  

No matter what your answers are to these questions, the next step is identifying if your partner respects these stances. Ask your partner to think about what’s comfortable for them, too. You might disagree on what comfort means, but that’s ok. It’s a spectrum! As long as you both are ok with where you stand, and can respect each other’s boundaries, it’s all good! And if that’s farting, maybe warn them before you let it go (-;  

Author: Maris Rosenfeld, Community Outreach and Education Coordinator at SHALVA. She and her partner fart in front of each other, but not without lots of giggling and teasing that goes along with it.

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