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Have you heard the phrase, “no is a complete sentence”?
Saying “no” is one way we can set boundaries in our lives. A boundary is an important tool, a line that tells other people how they can and cannot interact with us. Boundaries can look like a range of different things: from simply having carved out time to read your book in peace, to not talking to an estranged family member.
Setting boundaries can be very difficult for some people. For folks in relationships, it can feel hard not to compare the boundaries set in your relationship to others. For example, I have a friend who is a light sleeper. She has a boundary with her partner: they do not sleep in the same room. For a long time, she fought against setting this boundary: what will people think when they find out we sleep separately? Does this mean I don’t love my partner as much as other people?
Of course it doesn’t mean those things! Prioritizing personal health, knowing how it can impact the health of your relationship is a beautiful thing. As long as you and your partner are communicating about this boundary and both finding care and comfort for one another as you set your boundary, it’s great! Without setting boundaries and communicating about them in a healthy way, resentment will settle into the relationship.
How can you set boundaries in your life? Is it through talking it out with another person? Do you have boundaries that you set for yourself, outside of your interpersonal relationships? How can boundaries benefit you and how can you potentially loosen some of them?
We could write probably 5 more blogs about boundaries, how and when to set them, and how they help and harm us. But the main takeaway is this: boundaries are incredibly personal, subjective, and your own. They are yours, they are important, and they deserve respect.
For more general info about boundaries, check out this article from Psychology Today. And remember, Seven Circles offers all sorts of tools that help with this. Circle 1 and Circle 7, in particular, are both great to revisit when looking at how to decide and communicate your boundaries.
Author: Maris Rosenfeld, Community Outreach and Education Coordinator at SHALVA.
